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Melita Cameron-Wood: Hello, Sarah.
Sarah Hill: Hi, Melita. How are you?
Melita Cameron-Wood: I’m great. Thank you. Would you like to tell our listeners what it is you do for a living?
Sarah Hill: Sure, I’m what’s called a death doula, sometimes referred to as an end-of-life doula. An end-of-life doula or a death doula supports people in their dying time, much like a birth doula is helping a child come into the world.
Melita Cameron-Wood: What is the difference between a death doula and other end-of-life professionals like hospice workers or hospice nurses?
Sarah Hill: So, you have, of course, your medical clinicians, your doctors, and your nurses that tend to the needs of the dying. But you also have social workers, and you have chaplains and other folks who fill in to really try to give wraparound support, both to the dying and those around them. But as we see in a lot of situations, systems are systems. And sometimes what gets sacrificed in said systems is a focus on the human. So, I find for many folks I work with who are in the hospice care space, for instance, the nurses have tremendous caseloads. They’re seeing so many patients throughout the week, throughout the day. They don’t have the time to really sit with their patients, to really be present to them. So, what we doulas are able to do is kind of come in and fill in in those spaces. You know, for me personally, my sweet spot is to have about six clients at a time. I can be with my clients for hours at a time if need be. I’m able to move with a different degree of flexibility because I’m not beholden to a particular caseload or other metrics that need to be hit.
Melita Cameron-Wood: Could you give me some examples of the types of support you would give during that sort of five-to-six-hour slot that you might spend with a client?
Sarah Hill: Absolutely. The way that I like to think about it is we tend to the work of the head, the hands, and the heart of one’s dying time. So, what that really means is that the head work is: What do we need to be thinking about? Do we have our advance health-care directives in order? Have we named an agent who can show up on our behalf if we become incapacitated? Kind of thinking through all those considerations. But in addition to that, thinking through, “How do I want to spend the time that I do have? Is it that I want to be chasing curative treatment or even sustaining treatment? Or would I prefer to back off that a bit and maybe have less time but more fulfilling time?” Hands work is really the execution component. What do we need to get done? And I know for sure that there are some heavy boulders people have to lift in their dying time, and generally they’re not feeling so great about it. And the truth is, at the point of a terminal diagnosis, grief has entered the room, and so people will sometimes become avoidant. They know what they need to do or get done, but it’s hard to do that because they’re turning to face, really, “What does it mean when I do this? It means the end of my life.” So, there’s an emotional unpacking that comes with that. And sometimes people have a really hard time just getting things done. But then the real beauty, I think, of what we doulas do is tend to the work of the heart. So here we’re talking about making meaning of my life. What has it really meant to me? What are the relationships that matter to me? Is there anything that I have left unsaid, undone, that I need to tend to that I can’t fix now but want to grieve and acknowledge that loss? It’s really the kind of emotional center, that kind of psychological impact, and the spiritual components as well. How is this experience impacting me?
Melita Cameron-Wood: And are there any parts of the job that are particularly surprising that you think people on the outside may not expect?
Sarah Hill: I always say that I’m the fun one at the cocktail party because when people say, “What do you do for work?” I usually ask, “Would you like to take a seat? Are you really wanting to have this conversation right now?” Because just saying that you’re an end-of-life doula – that’s confronting for a lot of people. I’ve actually had people back away from me. What I tell people when they think, “How could you possibly do that work?” is they don’t understand the beauty that comes with dying and death. Because what I get to see is people without artifice, their essential selves; they’ve stripped away all of the nonsense by the time that I meet them. They’re getting really real. And there’s something so beautiful about that intimacy that I get to have both with my clients and those around them.
Sarah Hill: Hi, Melita. How are you?
Melita Cameron-Wood: I’m great. Thank you. Would you like to tell our listeners what it is you do for a living?
Sarah Hill: Sure, I’m what’s called a death doula, sometimes referred to as an end-of-life doula. An end-of-life doula or a death doula supports people in their dying time, much like a birth doula is helping a child come into the world.
Melita Cameron-Wood: What is the difference between a death doula and other end-of-life professionals like hospice workers or hospice nurses?
Sarah Hill: So, you have, of course, your medical clinicians, your doctors, and your nurses that tend to the needs of the dying. But you also have social workers, and you have chaplains and other folks who fill in to really try to give wraparound support, both to the dying and those around them. But as we see in a lot of situations, systems are systems. And sometimes what gets sacrificed in said systems is a focus on the human. So, I find for many folks I work with who are in the hospice care space, for instance, the nurses have tremendous caseloads. They’re seeing so many patients throughout the week, throughout the day. They don’t have the time to really sit with their patients, to really be present to them. So, what we doulas are able to do is kind of come in and fill in in those spaces. You know, for me personally, my sweet spot is to have about six clients at a time. I can be with my clients for hours at a time if need be. I’m able to move with a different degree of flexibility because I’m not beholden to a particular caseload or other metrics that need to be hit.
Melita Cameron-Wood: Could you give me some examples of the types of support you would give during that sort of five-to-six-hour slot that you might spend with a client?
Sarah Hill: Absolutely. The way that I like to think about it is we tend to the work of the head, the hands, and the heart of one’s dying time. So, what that really means is that the head work is: What do we need to be thinking about? Do we have our advance health-care directives in order? Have we named an agent who can show up on our behalf if we become incapacitated? Kind of thinking through all those considerations. But in addition to that, thinking through, “How do I want to spend the time that I do have? Is it that I want to be chasing curative treatment or even sustaining treatment? Or would I prefer to back off that a bit and maybe have less time but more fulfilling time?” Hands work is really the execution component. What do we need to get done? And I know for sure that there are some heavy boulders people have to lift in their dying time, and generally they’re not feeling so great about it. And the truth is, at the point of a terminal diagnosis, grief has entered the room, and so people will sometimes become avoidant. They know what they need to do or get done, but it’s hard to do that because they’re turning to face, really, “What does it mean when I do this? It means the end of my life.” So, there’s an emotional unpacking that comes with that. And sometimes people have a really hard time just getting things done. But then the real beauty, I think, of what we doulas do is tend to the work of the heart. So here we’re talking about making meaning of my life. What has it really meant to me? What are the relationships that matter to me? Is there anything that I have left unsaid, undone, that I need to tend to that I can’t fix now but want to grieve and acknowledge that loss? It’s really the kind of emotional center, that kind of psychological impact, and the spiritual components as well. How is this experience impacting me?
Melita Cameron-Wood: And are there any parts of the job that are particularly surprising that you think people on the outside may not expect?
Sarah Hill: I always say that I’m the fun one at the cocktail party because when people say, “What do you do for work?” I usually ask, “Would you like to take a seat? Are you really wanting to have this conversation right now?” Because just saying that you’re an end-of-life doula – that’s confronting for a lot of people. I’ve actually had people back away from me. What I tell people when they think, “How could you possibly do that work?” is they don’t understand the beauty that comes with dying and death. Because what I get to see is people without artifice, their essential selves; they’ve stripped away all of the nonsense by the time that I meet them. They’re getting really real. And there’s something so beautiful about that intimacy that I get to have both with my clients and those around them.
