Time for a real sporting competition

With the soccer World Cup approaching, much of the world is focused on athletic prowess. But wouldn't it be nice if intellectual achievements were followed with as much passion? What if, instead of showing men chasing a ball, the television cameras showed a contest of mental skill?

Exactly that happened last week, when American sports channel ESPN and the ABC network turned their attention to the Scripps National Spelling Bee. Yes, hundreds of schoolchildren battled each other for hours on live national television for the title of person best able to spell English words.

And yes, English really is that difficult to spell. Its long history and omnivorous borrowings have led to a set of "rules" that are at least inconsistent and at best inadequate. This becomes more than apparent during the contest.

Each child stands up in turn and is given a word to spell. He or she is allowed to ask for the word to be defined and used in a sentence. If the spelling is correct, the child gets to stay for another round; if it isn't, he or she must leave the stage.

The first few rounds use common words or words with recognizable Latin or Greek roots. As the field of competitors thins, less frequent words with Anglo-Saxon roots appear, as do archaic words and words borrowed from exotic languages. The final few kids are always very good, so finding a single winner among them requires a touch of the absurd.

This year's winner correctly spelled a word that is neither in current use nor really even an English word: Stromuhr. It's not in any of the dictionaries in our office, English or German, except for Webster's Third New International Dictionary, the one the spelling bee judges use.

Such contests were once the subject of an animated Peanuts cartoon, but I prefer the parody done in South Park. Three candidates are left, and it's Kyle's turn. His word is only slightly more fictitious than "stromuhr".

Mayor: Now we have Kyle Broflovski. Here we go. Krocsyldiphithic.
Kyle: What?
Mayor: Krocsyldiphithic.
Kyle: Definition?
Mayor: Something which has a krocsyldiph-like quality.
Kyle: Uh, could you use it in a sentence?
Mayor: Certainly. "Krocsyldiphithic" is a hard word to spell.

Kyle is beaten by the other two candidates, who were home-schooled and thus better prepared. In real life, he would have been beaten by the children of immigrants. Eight of the last 12 winners — including 14-year-old Anamika Veeramani, who won this year — have been Indian-Americans.

The first national spelling bee was held in 1925; since 1941, it's been sponsored by the Scripps newspaper chain. The 273 candidates are chosen in local competitions sponsored by individual newspapers. The prizes are certainly worth the effort: $30,000 in cash, $5,000 in scholarship money, and a set of dictionaries and encyclopedias.

Numerous attempts have been made to reform English spelling. But why do so when spelling is such an exciting sport?