The Famous Five

"Splendid!" said my son as I set down a slice of cake in front of him.

"Splendid?" I asked, perturbed that he was using a word belonging to the English upper classes, without a hint of irony.

"Indeed!" he said.

"I say," said my daughter, "this is jolly good cake!"

Now she was at it! They were talking like The Famous Five! Thank God there were only two of them.

I loved Enid Blyton's The Famous Five when I was little. I especially liked reading the original editions from the late 1940s I would borrow from the library van that came to our village twice a month. They were printed on rough thick paper and smelled slightly musty. It was clear to me that the language was as old as the book, and that real people didn't speak that way. It doesn't seem to be that clear to my kids, however, as they listen to the CD Five Go to Smugglers' Top on the new stereo.

So here is the lesson I've prepared for my children in how to avoid sounding like privileged children from 1940s England.

Don't say: I say! as in "I say! Look at this: string!"
This is (was) used to express surprise or shock, or to attract someone's attention.
Instead say: "Goodness!" or "Oh, my God!"

Don't say: Jolly good!
This expresses approval of something that someone has just said.
Instead say: "Great!" or "Fantastic!"

Don't say: Splendid!
Instead say: "Excellent!" or "Very good!"

Don't say: "You'll jolly well do as I say!"
"Jolly well" is used to emphasize a statement when you are annoyed about something.
Instead say: "I'd really like you to do what I asked!"

Lessons in what not to say are just as important as lessons in what to say, don't you think? However, if you are keen to know more about old-fashioned British English, you might like to watch this spoof of The Famous Five. It's splendid!