The best of the worst

How would you complete the following sentence?

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if ________________________.

Have you thought of something appropriate?

This is what Molly Ringle from Seattle came up with for her entry in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest:

For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss — a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.

And she won!

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, sponsored by the English Department at San Jose State University, is a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.

There are categories for all sorts of genres, including Fantasy Fiction, Historical Fiction, Detective and Romance.

Here is the winning entry in the Romance category by Paul Chafe from Toronto:

"Trent, I love you," Fiona murmured, and her nostrils flared at the faint trace of her lover's masculine scent, sending her heart racing and her mind dreaming of the life they would live together, alternating sumptuous world cruises with long, romantic interludes in the mansion on his private island, alone together except for the maids, the cook, the butler, and Dirk and Rafael, the hard-bodied pool boys.

I'm going to enter next year. I'm sure I can do better than this — eh, I mean worse.

Thanks, Margaret!