Interpreters needed!

The other day, I was reading the BBC website and came across an article about an English company that is looking for Glaswegian interpreters:

"Interpreters: Translation company seeks speakers of 'Glaswegian English', with knowledge of vocabulary, accent, nuances to meet interpreting needs of clients who find it an unexpected challenge."

No, I'm not thinking of applying. I can't speak Glaswegian English. I probably understand most of it, but where I come from, the dialect is called Doric. In Doric, Aye aye, fit like means "Hello. How are you?" But that's a different story.

So, anyway, dialect interpreters... I could have done with a Bavarian interpreter when I first came to Germany. When I spent my year out in Eichstätt, I found myself a summer job waitressing in a beergarden in a small village nearby. It wasn't always easy to understand what I was supposed to be bringing the guests. It was certainly a challenge — though not really an unexpected one.

There was one lady who was really hard to understand. I asked her what she would like. (My apologies if you think I'm murdering the Bavarian dialect here.) This is what her response sounded like to me: "Woas habn's an Kua-ha?"

I apologized for not understanding and asked her to repeat what she had said.

"WOAS HABN'S AN KUA-HA?" she asked, a bit louder this time.

I had to ask again. She repeated it again, but this time she said Kua-ha more slowly — and even more loudly. I still didn't understand. This was embarrassing. I couldn't ask her to repeat it again. I would have to hazard a guess.

"Pepsi-cola?" I said.

"Na. Kua-ha!" she shouted. She was annoyed; I could tell.

OK, I thought, if it's not cola, it has to be Kuchen! I reeled off the list I'd learned off by heart that morning, she picked apple cake and I went off to order it from the kitchen.

I don't think she ever came back to the beergarden. Shame, really, because I would have understood her the next time. I stayed in Bavaria and persevered with the dialect. I probably understand it better than Glaswegian these days!