Fränglisch

If it hadn't taken me one and a half hours to get to work last Thursday, and if I hadn't been forced to drive along the Autobahn at 15 kilometres an hour, I wouldn't have had time to try out all the stations on the car radio. There I was, wondering why the cars in the fast lane were going more slowly than the cars in the slow lane, when suddenly I heard what sounded like English — on Bayern 3.

"Hello, together! I am it — der Lothar."

It sounded like English, just not very good English.

"No one learns you English like I."

Every morning at 7.20 a.m. and again at 5.20 p.m., Bayern 3 has a segment called "Fränglisch mit Loddar" ("Fränglisch" is a mixture of Franconian German and English).

And I love it — except the teacher in me is screaming, "Tell the listeners what it really is! Tell them!"

It's funny if you understand English and know what the correct way to say these things is — but maybe not so funny if you think there's nothing wrong with what he says.

One of my favourite examples was: "I believe I spider." "I believe I spin" would have been bad enough!

I have a feeling some of these could become catchphrases!

"Na, Leute, again what learned."